All Things Goofy

This past Tuesday I had to make the hardest decision of my life.  We had to put my cat, Puck, down.  I loved that cat.  She was given to me by a friend in one of the darkest times of my life.  Right after I moved back to Jersey from TN and before I met my wife.  I hadn’t felt love like that from anyone or anything before that time.  My family loved me, but it wasn’t the same.  Everyday I came home from work, she was at the door waiting for me.  She would follow me around until I picked her up and held her over my shoulder like a baby.  She would just put her chin on my shoulder and let her little paws hang down my back, as trusting and content as physically possible.  When Erica came into my life, she was not very happy about the competition.  One of the first times Erica came  to my apt, Puck peed on her jacket to let her know who was boss.  Erica wasn’t a cat person and that didn’t help much, but that little cat won her over.  Puck had a way about her…she knew instantly if you were a cat person or not…if you weren’t she was relentlessly in your lap.  She had more personality then all the cats I have ever glimpsed an eye upon put together.Those big green eyes would stare you down one minute, then look up at you seeking complete pity for the extreme lack of attention she knew she suffered   Those cries in the middle of the night as she carried her little baby mouse around so sweetly.  The constant begging at the table when ever we had steak…or chicken…or, well, almost anything.  We often swore she thought she was a dog.

She used to drive me nuts with her relentlessly trying to sit in my lap when I was working.  The last few days I’d give anything to have her lying there, purring away.  Some times, I forget she’s gone.  I want to go looking for her and sweep her up onto my shoulder.  Then I remember and I feel that emptiness.  I wanted to write this days ago, but couldm’t.  The mere thought of putting this pain out in the open was frightening.  It still is.  I feel so guilty.  She fought so hard to pretend there was nothing on as the final months rolled by…for me.  She was there for me right til the end.  I know it was the right thing….she was in so much pain….I know it was for the best…I know God is in control..and yes, even the little things, like a cat, are things He cares about.  But that doesn’t take away the pain.  But He helps.  when we left the vet on Tuesday, I started driving and couldn’t handle the silence, so I turned on the radio.  A song was just starting…Amazing Grace(My Chains Are Gone)….don’t tell me God doesnt pay attn to the little things.

Somebody told me I need to run out and get another cat.  I can’t.  I don’t ever want another cat.  Don’t get me wrong…we still have another…Phantom is fine and fat and loving as ever…but he isn’t Puck.  I love him all the same, but he is it…I don’t think I will ever own another cat.  I grew up a dog person….maybe that’s why Puck and I got along so well…she thought she was a dog.  There will never be another Puck.

I love you, Puck. RIP